A Fort Wayne native's adventures in China
But my Christ, what a mess I had to clean up yesterday. I made the mistake of going without underwear, and on the way to the bathroom, I exploded from both ends. Probably the first time I had actual shit in my living room in my entire life.
I cleaned up though. Still felt a bit woozy today, but in a bizarre twist, my back has felt the best it’s ever been. Go figure.
Pretty sure it was food poisoning. Good thing I had the day off.
I had an amazing Easter dinner, but I forgot to take pictures of any of it.
But boy, it was really, really good.
La Q Tapas in Fuzhou, if you’re interested…
I remember last Friday, and how I went swimming and had a huge meal before going home, showering, and getting ready for bed. I woke up early for me the next morning, and since I couldn’t get back to sleep, I got up and got quite a bit done.
Today, I was soooooo lazy. I don’t understand it. The early part of the day was sunny, but when I finally got up and got out for my walk, it was windy and had cooled off.
But I don’t know why I was so tired this morning, and had additional naps.
And I got a bit done today, at least enough to feel more relaxed about the coming week, which is good.
YouTube is basically my television here. I don’t have a television, because the uni hasn’t provided one. But that’s okay.
So no, I haven’t seen Love Story, about JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette. I’m sort of interested in the story, but not really. I watched one of those “Watch Mojo” videos that compared the story to the actual details. I noticed a song playing. I recognized the tune, but wasn’t sure of the name or who sung it.
So I looked up the soundtrack to see if I could recognize the name of the song, or the group, hoping that would jar my memory. And it did. The tune I was looking for was “Name” by the Goo Goo Dolls. And yeah, I’d liked their stuff back in the day.
I just wanted to play a few seconds of it to see if it was the right song, because I knew if I played the whole thing, I’d probably burst into tears. I didn’t even get far. Someone had posted a really sad story as the topmost comment, and I burst into tears.
But I ended up listening to the whole song. I’ve seen many people refer to YouTube as the closest thing we’ll get to a time machine. I was surprised to see so many sad comments. Some people talked of dead relatives; one said her mother listened to this song and commented on how pretty it was, then she died. Another spoke of a brother who was deaf, and couldn’t deal with the bullying at school, and abuse from a father. He turned to booze and drugs to ease the pain, and yes, he died.
That being said, the song is a great one. But yeah, it’s hard to listen to that stuff. I think of where I was then, and the people who were in my life. I felt like I was an adult, but still a kid. My parents were alive, to catch me if I took a major step and fell. I published my own ‘zine. Scraped along on a journalism job that paid $5.05 after taxes. Resented having to work Saturday mornings to get a photo if something was going on. It was one thing to drive 45 minutes round trip for an eight-hour day, it was another thing to be exhausted from work knowing I didn’t even have my weekends free to have to go in and take a picture at an event.
What hurts, I think, is knowing how I was at the time, and looking into the future and wondering what would happen, vs. looking back now. I’ve done all right, compared to some people. But I’m still not where I’d like to be, and I’m no closer to accomplishing my goal that I had when I moved to China a little over seven years ago.
I just wish I hadn’t been so afraid.
I hate the people I went to school with that caused me to be fearful.
I miss my mom and dad, who were around back then.
I miss how my niece and nephew used to be. Back then, they thought Aunt Gloria was cool. They liked doing things with me, or so I thought.
Now, they don’t speak to me anymore. I haven’t heard from my nephew in years. Maybe even a whole decade.
I also miss the general attitude of the country. Things seemed good. There was employment if you needed/wanted it. People seemed happier; less uptight. Yeah, the president was fucking around with an intern, but even my mother was willing to overlook that because of the way things were.
And isn’t this line from “Name” so true: “And scars are souvenirs you never lose.”
I look at my knee surgery scar. It’s still there, after 53 years.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I think I get why people get nostalgic about stuff, the past, people.
But I feel like the 1990s were my golden years. Didn’t seem like it at the time, but they were.
And now, looking back, they really seem like they were.
So admin wants recordings of the oral exams I did back in January, nearly three months ago. I DID have them, but had to go looking for them. Turns out they were on an external hard drive I had. I didn’t want to burden my laptop with over 60 videos, so I moved them.
So of course, I about had a heart attack when I clicked on the folder that said IOE final videos and nothing was there. I remembered how I recorded them, and how much I worried I wouldn’t have an SD card big enough to hold them. I’d recorded them to my laptop, then moved them later. I also had the AOE final exams too, and I’ve copied those.
We had a meltdown with technology. A recording room was supposed to get all these, but the tech broke down. So we did what I’d done before: told the students to record the videos on their phones, then send them via WeChat. I remember painstakingly tranferring them from WeChat to computer.
But geez, this was not something I thought I’d have to deal with tonight after English corner. I thought they were all on my computer, until I remembered I moved them. Then, figure out which external hard drive had them.
But at least I’ll be able to sleep tonight.
What an absolutely gorgeous day!
Last night. I’m sensitive to changes in the barometric pressure. I can’t do anything about that. So I’m not surprised that it rained today.
Made it through the day and had a delicious, homemade dinner, took a shower and got into bed.
A nice thing to do on a rainy night.
And feeling better. Today was a good day.
WordPress reminded me it was my seven year anniversary today.
I’ve been in China a wee bit longer though.
I suppose I should make another Chinaversary video. Those are actually pretty easy to make. Collect some photos from the past year and set them to music.
Oh, and I also got my taxes done yesterday. Damn, I woke up early (for me) couldn’t get back to sleep, finally got out of bed and got stuff done. So weird, but nice after feeling sooooooo tiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrred for the past year or so.
Anyway, got done what I wanted to get done tonight, so now I can relax and enjoy what’s left of my THREE DAY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And no, it’s not even a holiday. It’s just how my schedule worked out this semester.
Spoke with a former co-worker today. I feel a little bit better about things, but just a little. I’m kinda happy that I have a lot of time to take care of a situation that may not arise anyway. But that’s me, worrying endlessly.
I went swimming last night. The water was too cold, and the locker room was freezing, and the shower water wasn’t nearly hot enough, but I must have had a good night’s sleep. I stuffed myself at McDonalds, and no, I should NOT have done that, but I swam 24 laps and also got more than 10,000 steps in. The pool isn’t very far from my apartment, and there were maybe four other people in the pool. The weather has been warm and cold, warm and cold. The pool is in the basement, so no windows, but as the weather warms up, hoping the pool will, too. The big draw is hardly anyone using the facilities.
What’s weird is that I swear I went to this hotel last fall and asked if they sold pool memberships. They said no, but they also didn’t mention there was a gym in the basement of the hotel, WITH a swimming pool. This is part of the problem with living in China. I would have been THRILLED to find out there was a gym WITH pool in the basement. It could be that maybe I asked about the pool before the gym started up again. I’m thinking the gym that used to be there was the same one I was told about, when I walked up and down that block wondering where this gym was. My map said I was in the right place, but couldn’t find it. When I first moved here, that’s what I wanted. A nearby swimming pool. But maybe the gym closed, and they didn’t get it started back up again until last fall. And maybe I asked the front desk before the new gym management decided to take over.
But I’m happy the gym employee put a hang tag on my door advertising the gym, complete with his WeChat QR code. WeChat has a translation feature, so I got a tour of the gym, and also a free try at the swimming pool. I wired more money home this month than usual, which explains why my emergency fund keeps getting lower.
I told him I’d be back in April. I have no idea how much a pool membership costs, but swimming makes me happy. Not having to dodge people in the pool really makes me happy. And I didn’t see a little kid in sight, which means the pool will probably be cleaner. The water looked nice and clear last night.
I still wasn’t in a good mood last night, so I treated myself to McDonald’s, then chocolate after I walked home. I thought about doing some work, but I thought, “no.” I gave myself a break.
And it turned out to be a good move. I went to bed early (for me) and woke up before noon this morning, and actually thought I could start on getting some work done. Of the nine things on my list, I got four done. That’s amazing, especially for a Saturday morning/early afternoon. Usually, when I wake up early, I usually go back to sleep. But not this time. I watched mindless YouTube content, and never went back to sleep. Getting stuff done feels good.
The moon must be in a weird phase or something. I was told about a last-minute event an hour and 15 minutes from the start time. I told one of my students that I had other plans. This is the SECOND time I have told him to PLEASE let me know 48 hours in advance if something is going on. He apologized, but just reinforces my belief that no one listens to me.
I’m also a little suspicious that my co-worker didn’t tell me the event was going on tonight, as he and I usually preside over these events. We have each other’s WeChats and he saw me today.
He’s starting to act like a former friend of mine. In private, he’s civil, but in public, he goes out of his way to make me look dumb/stupid.
And it bugs me that my life in China hasn’t turned out the way I wanted it to. I have these plans, and these plans seem simple enough and feasible, but they never work out.
Sometimes I feel nothing will.
Felt a bit better today. It’s just hard not knowing. Depending on what I can get on my pension refund, that will let me know what I will do if I can’t find another job in China.
I feel like it took me years to get into the swing of things, and it’s over way too early. Or maybe it’s not going to be over as early as I think.
I’m just really upset that my plans in China haven’t worked out like I thought they would.
Or maybe I’m worrying for nothing. It certainly doesn’t help my stress level or blood pressure.
And nothing really bad happened! It’s messed up, but I think I was thinking about the pension fund they give to expats when they leave China. Unless I can convince someone to hire me once I hit 60, I’ll have to leave. And I would LOVE to stay in China for a few more years. I’ll teach little kids, I’ll teach adults, I’ll teach any age, really. I feel like I’m at a place where I am hitting my stride, and it terrifies me that I’ll have to leave in a year and a half.
I’m hoping that my current uni will keep me around. Or a nearby uni will hire me.
But I cried.
A good thing that happened today is that I found a gym with a swimming pool. The guy who works there put a door hanger on my apartment door, and I noticed there was someone swimming on it. His WeChat QR code was on there, so we chatted last night. Today, I went over to check it out, and the pool looked clean and not crowded at all. Best of all, the pool is within walking distance of my apartment. I’ve literally walked past the place dozens of times, but didn’t know it existed because it’s in the basement of a hotel.
But the guy showed me the pool and I took a look at the locker room, and I think I’ll go there either tomorrow or Friday because he said he’d give me a trial run/swim. I’m basically interested in swimming, as that’s my favorite form of exercise.
I haven’t been swimming for months, because it isn’t relaxing. I’ve been going to the Straits Olympic facility. The pool is crowded at all times of the day it seems, and I’ve either been sideswiped, or people swim up so fast behind me I end up accidentally kicking them in the face. It’s not the relaxing experience I want.
And since I have a bit of flexibility with my time during the week, I think I can fit in a Wednesday afternoon swim before going home after my morning classes.
So that was a good thing that happened. I hope that the membership fee isn’t too expensive.
But yeah, I have no idea of what sort of pension refund I’ll get. Expats are supposed to have a certain amount of their paycheck paid to the government, like social security tax in the states. Since I won’t be retiring here, I should get some money back. But if my employer hasn’t paid into it, then I won’t get much back. And when I went to the local social security office, they couldn’t find me. It could be that the delay was because my employer hadn’t paid me yet. I got some information for the city I spent the most time in, so maybe I can call, or someone can help me call and I can see if I’ll get anything back. But I’m thinking I’m too old; I was already too old when I arrived, and I won’t get zilch, except what I get from my current employer, which might be $56 a year. Times three is not very much.
I cried because it seems like nothing I do works. I had high hopes for saving a lot of money here in China, but that hasn’t worked out, and what’s worse, I don’t know why. It’s not like I showed up drunk, or hungover, or continually late to classes or anything like that.
I shouldn’t believe in such things, but it would be nice if I could have my astrology chart read, or an actual fortune teller who could tell me, “yeah, this isn’t going to change no matter what you do,” because then I could stop trying so hard to bring positive change to my life, and I could just say, “fuck it, nothing’s going to work, might as well have fun” and do all the irresponsible things I should have done as a teenager. Even then, I was Miss Goody Two Shoes, and I should have raised a LOT of hell instead of behaving. If there’s a chance that things might change for the better, I’ll keep trying. But if this is a no-win situation for the rest of my life, let me know NOW.
Tuesdays are my longest days. But it’s fine. The hard part is done, and it’s still early in the week.
Today, it was overcast. My midday nap came easily. During my last class, I looked out the window and saw it was raining. The rain turns the mountains hazy, they become a very light gray. It was a bright overcast; it actually seemed as though the clouds were about to let the sun shine through, but no.
Tuesdays are difficult, but satisfying. It’s very pleasant to climb on board the bus at the end of the day and be driven home. I could get home quicker if I took a Didi, but it’s very nice to relax on a bus. The rain had stopped, and despite a chock-full backpack, I walked home. Gotta get my steps in! I’m averaging nearly 10,000 steps a day, and I’m proud of that. Last week, I took a Didi home once the bus got back to campus. But I didn’t feel as tired today, and walking home was good.
But it’s my last week of sleeping late on Wednesday. My last two classes start next week. But after I’m done with those classes, I’m free to go home if I want. I love my work/life balance now.
But I did get some stuff done. So that’s good. Pat on the back for that.
I felt like I didn’t get much done today, but I did manage to go for a walk, grab lunch, go grocery shopping, finish some grading for a class, and prepare what I want to cover in my classes this week, PLUS I edited and uploaded a video.
But I don’t know what I expect since I sleep until noon on the weekends.
I’ve been averaging over 10,000 steps a day for the last seven days, which is good. But today I just didn’t feel like walking back with a grocery bag full of food. It was a little over $21 in USD, and that got me a bag of chicken breasts, 10 eggs, a big bag of Spanish peanuts, some celery, and cherry tomatoes.
I’ve not been eating well lately. I still want to lose 20 pounds, but I’m not sure how badly I want it.
My back has been bothering me, and I was concerned. A CT scan at the hospital (around $42 USD or so) revealed nothing serious, just age. But the doctor did point out that the spare tire I have around my waist wasn’t helping. A day or two ago, I grabbed my belly and held it, and it was surprisingly heavy. So I can understand why she suggested getting rid of my belly. So I’ve been doing some core exercises. But I really need to do more than that.
Anyway, the video has to do with marshmallows. I got to grill some the other day during a trip, and decided it was time to bring out the two packages of marshmallows I’ve had for months. One was “vanilla ice cream flavored” the other was “barbecue.” Both packages taste like your standard, off-white marshmallows.
I felt lazy so I grilled them in my living room. But I won’t explain why or how. You’ll need to see the video. Click here: https://youtu.be/7_V6luESmlY
Here are a few of my other videos. I think I’m getting a tad better at editing these things, but I’m realizing how much goes into making a video. Props to my favorite content creators for creating videos I come back to time and time again. You entertain me, plus you lull me to sleep a lot of nights. It’s not to say that your videos are boring; it’s like falling asleep to the television. You keep my mind from dwelling on stuff that keeps me from sleeping.
Hong Kong Disney as viewed by a cynic： I make fun of the commercialization of Disney, get humbled by one of the best roller coasters EVER, and experience a bit of joy courtesy of lasers, fireworks, and some tear-jerking music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B69_gn2-V08&t=2s
What The Fuck Foods number seven was about chicken feet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwU7vwVuSt8
What was last year’s hottest accessory that was so popular, even Women’s Wear Daily did a story on it? Check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkfGVEBhTcY
Got another rejection from a publisher this evening. How was your day?
I already said I was a carboholic. But it seems like nothing else tastes good to me. Hopefully next week I can get back on track.
At least there’s nothing seriously wrong with my back. Just aging.
So my back has been hurting pretty constantly for months now. Sometimes the pain is worse, sometimes it’s better. Today I went to the hospital to see what was going on.
A CT scan was suggested, and it cost me around $39.20. And yes, it was a real scanning machine made by GE. Something up with my lumbar disks. Pretty common in people my age. So I started doing some exercises tonight, and will probably increase those reps frequently. I’ll also throw in some yoga.
It was also suggested I do something about my big, saggy stomach. It’s going to be difficult, because I love carbs so much. But I have no one to blame but myself. I KNOW what I should be eating, and I know that I have those ketone strips so I can see if my body is burning fat or not.
But at least I know what this back pain is. So I’ve joined the club.
I didn’t know I’d ordered three small bottles of Dawn dishwashing detergent in addition to the two and a half liter one that came yesterday. The three smaller bottles came today. I gave one to my next door neighbor.
And now you know about my good deed for the day!
I get super tired on Tuesdays because it’s an all day thing, and I’m not used to working full days, but today went really well. Didn’t eat so well for supper, but whatever. I have to come to terms I may never lose this “last” twenty pounds.
But I’d like to. I just don’t know how hard I’m willing to work for it.
The clutter in my apartment is really starting to piss me off. I’ve ALWAYS had a problem with clutter and it makes me so mad. I tried to find some papers tonight, and I looked in all the logical places, but I couldn’t find them. I have updated replacements I can print out, but still.
It’s frustrating. I don’t know how to make it stop. It’s not like I even go out shopping for junk anymore. The bulk of my money is spent on food, transportation, utilities, and medicine. I haven’t bought new clothes in almost two years. I haven’t bought new shoes in a year and a half. I buy magazines maybe once a year. I can’t remember the last time I bought an actual, real physical book. I think it might have been in 2024.
Anyway, that’s today’s gripe. Junk, junk, junk, junk, and clutter all over the fucking place.
Beef pepperstead and crab rangoon made with real crab. He enjoyed it. Had two servings. I’m not a bad cook, I just hate to cook.
We had another beautiful day today, but I underdressed. I wasn’t wearing a jacket, and so I was cold.
I had to do a wire transfer back home, and sitting in the bank for two and a half hours was hard, because it was cold. I was also very sleepy.
McDonald’s was a bit warmer, but not nearly enough.
I got to school and in my office, the windows were open. I managed to close one, but there were stacks of junk between me and the back window, so that one stayed open. But I fired up the giant space heater/air conditioner. It became bearable.
I also went to class, and that was cold too. And frustrating. The technology in there is a bit complicated, and asking for someone to come and help soaked up more time than I anticipated. So the in-class assignment became homework.
But it wasn’t a bad day, except for being cold.
The teacher’s union I belong to usually sponsors two trips a year, usually to a historical site. I love these trips, because I get to see areas I wouldn’t normally find out about, and there’s history involved.
Today we went to Linpu Village. It played a part in the Civil War. And the descendents of the rulers were named Lin and Chen. It had a school, and what looked like a combination temple and performance area.
It was in a park-like area, and right beside a river. We had beautiful weather.
They rebuilt a temporary palace for the rulers, and we got to wander around inside for a bit. One element I like about the palaces, or at least the bigger houses in Fujian, is that they are sort of open air, but only in parts of the house. There will be little courtyards in the center of some rooms, but on the sides of the rooms, there will be a covered passageway. So even though it might be raining, you can get from one side of the house to the other without getting wet. They had little courtyards like this, and one had a pond complete with koi fish and a little bridge.
We then had dinner at a village not very far from Linpu village. The food was great, just dish upon dish of various things, like orange chicken/pork, cucumber fish, four types of soup, and fruit. Also rice, of course.
After, we went back to campus, and someone invited me to play table tennis. I hadn’t held a racquet in my hand for years, but they paired me up with someone, and after a very little while, felt like I could actually hit the ball. We had several volleys which lasted several seconds, so I didn’t feel like a complete klutz.
So it was a very nice day indeed.
But at least I felt like getting out there and getting some stuff done. Haven’t felt that way in a long time, so getting out on such a beautiful day felt good. Taking a trip tomorrow, and looking forward to it.
Got through the longest, toughest day of the week today. Even felt energized enough to go to Ikea, but didn’t realize they closed at nine. Yes, I was that asshole leisurely walking through a super quiet store, thinking I had plenty of time to check out the Circular Market.
I’m sorry, everybody.
Picked up some more proofreading work today. THIS is the kind of work I enjoy doing!
The first step is recognizing the problem.
Today was one of those surprise days. I didn’t expect to go out, but I did. Two of my colleagues wanted to take me to Three Lanes, Seven Alleys, which is a cultural and historical place in the middle of town.
It was a nice day weather wise. We went to the chocolate museum, and since I’d been there before, I wanted to go to their store to see if they had any chocolate-covered raisins. They are tasting very good to me at the moment, and they are sort of hard to get in China. You can’t just walk into the store and buy them.
So I got some, and that’s all I had planned to buy… but, it’s that kind of place where they have all sorts of really cool stuff. My colleagues took me to a cork-carving store. There are hundreds of examples of these carvings that you can buy. Some are very simple, some are really big and detailed. But I never would have imagined cork, of all things.
I’m doing my best to save money. There’s a LOT of really cool things here in China, but I’m trying to control myself. However, I saw these little coin purses. I’m a handbag freak (they had handbags there too). I may have to go back and get one. But I figured at 35 RMB, I could afford it. That’s only $4.90 USD. It seems sturdy and has enough room for several credit cards, cash and coins.
Then we walked around some more and stopped for snacks, then we all went to the teacher’s canteen on campus and ate. I insisted we have Sweet and Sour Pork as one of the dishes. It was excellent!
So what would have been another Saturday probably spent at home, I got out and socialized a bit, and that was good. As well as needed.
My banana clips came! I’ve been looking for these for YEARS here in China. But the only thing I could find was this.
The piece of crap on the right just doesn’t do it. It has a flimsy clasp, and you can barely open it. I suppose this would work for a five-year-old, with wispy thin hair, but not for me.
It took me years to find one, but the one on the left is the old school, Goody-style banana clip. So named because they curve like a banana, I relied on these as a teen to keep my super thick mane of hair out of the way. Slightly fancier than a ponytail, they gave a literal mane-like look, or a Mohawk replica. I was horse-crazy at the time, so these were okay with me.
I wore it for the first time today and I’m thrilled. After my haircut January 2025 that made me look like a fat lesbian, I’m so glad to have longer hair again. I’m never getting it cut again in China by a professional. I’ll stick with my own handiwork, which served me well for years. And the next time I think I want to change my hair, I’ll just say, “no you don’t.”
I’ll wait until I’m in the capable hands of Kara Bush, stylist at Ulta Northcrest, Fort Wayne, Indiana. She’s a curly girl who knows how to work with curly hair.
But at least I got my 10,000 steps in.
So I finally got to go to Panda World today. It had been closed for renovations for several months. On one of my last vacation days, I went, but didn’t know I had to reserve in advance. So since I don’t have classes on Wednesdays for another four weeks, I went today.
At least it wasn’t raining. I wore double layers on my bottom, and triple layers up top, because for some reason I didn’t want to be burdened with a coat. I chose wisely, as Panda World is built into the side of a mountain and you are either climbing up ramps or steps. So, not wheelchair-friendly. But the way the park is designed, you get the sensation you are among the trees, literally. Kind of appropriate, seeing as that the park is all about pandas.
I was a bit reserved about going here because there are some terrible reviews on Trip Advisor. Claims of kangaroo abuse (?) and pictures of bricks on the ground with kangaroos laying alongside, supposedly knocked out. But what I saw of the enclosures today showed clean environments. Not much was shaking; as it was an overcast, cool day, but I got rewarded with footage of a panda taking a dump.
The giant pandas themselves had spacious living areas that mimicked their natural environment. Plus, each of them had a place they could roam around outside. I never realized how solitary these bears are. I think there are around five giant pandas, and each of them had an indoor area, as well as an outdoor area.
Along with actual animals were indoor exhibits, a museum, several cafes, a decent children’s playground, plenty of places to sit, and also an outdoor theater of sorts, where there are probably demonstrations done.
I’d seen just about everything I wanted to, but the indoor Red Panda exhibit remained elusive. Well, I thought, maybe it was closed. I’d walked back and forth between two signs that supposedly pointed the way to the Red Panda indoor habitat, but couldn’t find it. After I’d ask four people where it was, a volunteer with pretty good English helped me. I pointed out the contradictory signs that indicated the Red Panda indoor habitat was either down hundreds of steps, or along a path behind a huge building.
It was the volunteer’s first day, so he didn’t know where things were either. However, after he convinced me to go down the giant cascade of steps yet again, after the first flight of six steps or so, he turned left and pointed. Sure enough, it said, “Red Panda Indoor Habitat.” Okay fine. But where was the fucking sign that said to TURN LEFT after that first short flight of stairs?
Nowhere, of course. And there was a convenient pole (holding a surveillance camera, of course) that would have been the perfect spot. Because when a sign points you in one direction to seek something out, why would you look over your shoulder on a steep flight of stairs in the OTHER direction?
This lack of courtesy on the park’s behalf cost me about 45 minutes worth of walking back and forth, wondering if I had lost my mind. Even looking at the park map hadn’t helped.
But I found what I’d been looking for. But because Murphy never sleeps, I found the exhibit, with not a Red Panda in sight.
Then, just like that, a little Red Panda came out of his little cottage in the corner and got up on some of his playground equipment, and crossed a log in front of the huge window, only to disappear into a corner. But at least I got to see a live one after all my walking.
I’m glad I got to go. Panda World is definitely worth a visit. I learned a few things (they live solo, only getting together to hook up, then they split again) panda conservation started around 1869, and there used to be 2,400 pandas in the world, but dipped to less than half that in a very short period of time.
And for $7.50, it was well worth the money. If you get a chance, GO! Read my review: https://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g297405-d1555486-r1051897148-Panda_World-Fuzhou_Fujian.html
I am Nowaylaowai on TripAdvisor
Fireworks at 4:30 a.m. this morning, and fireworks non-stop since it got dark today. Happy Lantern Festival and end of Chinese New Year!
Sounds like a war zone, but it’s much safer here.
Tell me, are things any more affordable in the states? Feel safer? Are you winning?
Had a pizza, went grocery shopping, then took a long walk. Boy, it was warm today.
Having computer issues again. I got a new VPN, which is why I’m here in the first place. But Google Chrome isn’t functioning. I can get access to my passwords, which is fine, but the ease and convenience of being able to spread the word with my posts in a matter of seconds is gone.
Also, when I open my video editing program, it freezes. So I put a bunch of stuff on my external hard drive and put a lot of stuff in the recycle bin, which I’ll dump before firing up the software again.
In other words, I spent too much on makeup today, but at least I got a couple of good duplicates for Urban Decay’s Lounge eyeshadow which was a game changer when I first got it as part of my Ipsy bag, years ago. Make Up For Ever has something called “Beetle Chrome Metallic” and Sephora has a couple of pallets called “Color Shifter.” One was called “Freaky Pink Rose,” and the other one was “Mystic Brown Mushroom.” BOTH pallets have something jaw-droppingly close to Lounge. I wasn’t about to buy them both, but the woman at the register said it was buy one get one free.
And there must have been some additional discount, because I was prepared to pay 159 RMB, which is $22.26 USD, but I got both pallets for around $11 USD. SCORE!
My eyeliner was BOGO too, so yeah, makeup buying spree for cheap today!
Ｗｅｎｔ ｔｏ Ｐａｎｄａ Ｗｏｒｌｄ ａｎｄ ｄｉｄｎ＇ｔ ｒｅａｌｉｚｅ Ｉ ｈａｄ ｔｏ ｒｅｓｅｒｖｅ ｓｉｘ ｄａｙｓ ｉｎ ａｄｖａｎｃｅ．
Ｔｈｅｎ， ｍｙ ｂａｎｋ ｃａｒｄ ｇｏｔ ｓｗａｌｌｏｗｅｄ ｕｐ ｂｙ ｔｈｅ ＡＴＭ．
Ｔｈｅｎ， ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ Ｉ ｗｅｎｔ ｔｏ ｇｒａｄ ｓｃｈｏｏｌ ｗｉｔｈ ｌｏｓｔ ｔｈｅｉｒ ｄａｕｇｈｔｅｒ ｔｏｄａｙ．
Ａｎｄ ｗｈｉｌｅ ｉｔ ｗａｓｎ＇ｔ ｒａｉｎｉｎｇ ｅａｒｌｉｅｒ， Ｉ ｗｅｎｔ ｆｏｒ ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ ｗａｌｋ ａｆｔｅｒ Ｉ ｇｏｔ ｈｏｍｅ， ａｎｄ ｉｔ ｓｔａｒｔｅｄ ｔｏ ｒａｉｎ．
On WeChat today, someone tickled me and then apologized. They explained they were carrying on two chats at a ttime and they sent the tickle to the wrong chat. “Sorry, I’m old,” they said. I said, “I bet not as old as I am.” The coward didn’t respond with his age.
Yeah, Millennials, tell me how OLD you are while hardly knowing anything about the world. Keep thinking history started in 1993, when you were born. Oh, you’re 40 now. Good God, better start saving up for that casket!
Fuck off. Seriously, just fuck off.
But…
Seems like a lot of YOUNGER people, like those in their 30s, seem to be kicking off. So I guess it makes sense to call 50 something OLD, since those people will never make it. Maybe that’s why they consider 49 “old”.
And since people can’t fucking take care of themselves, it’s no wonder living to say age 58, like me, seems like a herculean feat. When you get type 2 and stage 4 at 36, living past 40 is no longer a guarantee.
But yeah, I’ll continue walking an hour a day, 6-7 times a week, because I actually have the time to. A whole HOUR??? Yes. Sometimes I’ll walk home from the bank after I do a wire transfer home, especially if the weather is nice.
So shut up, Millennials, about all this “old” talk. It makes you look even stupider and annoying.
January 2, 2026
Excellent vacation; excellent food. God, wish I could live in Hong Kong. Ah well, at least I got to visit. Met a very nice young lady at Lily Bookstore. So nice to meet people who have gone through the same crap as I have. Nice and warm there too, and today was gorgeous and sunny.
January 1, 2026
Another good day. I bought Drakkar Noir, my Bushman bread, then I went to see that apartment complex catch fire. Scary. When the wind is right, you can smell the burning smell. Found some roast turkey slices at M & S and THIS is what I want and need. It was delicious. So we’ll see wht I can do. Maybe I’ll just have to get a turkey breast and roast it, then cut it up and freeze it. Also got chips and salsa. Changed some of my money back into RMB. Also bought peppermint tea at M & S. Really need one of those stores on the mainland.
December 31, 2025
Had a great day. Found Lily Bookshop and got four books. Bought Crazy Rich Asians and it’s really good. Found a great fish and chips shop called Fish and Chick. Third one was the charm as Hooked and Whitebeard were both closed. Met a really nice girl at the bookstore. We really hit it off. We exchanged information. She’s gone through a lot of the same stuff I’ve been through. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Nice to know I’m not alone.
No fireworks out of respect for the Tai Po victims. I really hope this is a good year.
December 30, 2025
Back in Hong Kong! Walked for HOURS tonight. Found a bunch of thrift clothing stores, but nothing I really, really wanted. I am worried about my kidneys. But what’s done is done, I guess. Neck and back hurts. Seems like it came on quite suddenly.
Outback was great. So. Much. Food! And the weather is nice too. Cops came to Chungking Mansions, but I guess there was a kerfuffle in black D. Not sure what happened.
After not having gone anywhere for several days (except for walks) I decided I needed to get out. So I went to Ikea and got a couple of bargains. I’m still putting together cheap shelving for my pad, and thought if I could get some small, sturdy shelves, I’d have even more room for my stuff. I picked up a couple of Malm nightstands for $17.50 each. I couldn’t find a wardrobe door for shelving that I liked, but I’m sure there will be one soon. I also got a couple of Baggebo shelves, so I can store some of my smaller appliances. For someone who hates to cook, I’ve somehow acquired a popcorn popper, bread machine, juicer, blender, mandolin slicer, a small oven, and a borrowed microwave. I also have a plastic storage unit for some of my dry foods as well. Not sure if the plastic storage unit will fit with the shelving, but even so, I have plans.
But after my shopping spree, I felt a bit depressed. I’m not sure why. I have had plenty to do this break, but it seems like every break, I get depressed. I’m sure it has something to do with my age, the fact I have no money, and I’m just plain tired of struggling. Shout out to Jami, who says she doesn’t know anyone who struggles so far only to not have anything work out. Thanks so much for at least acknowledging that. It’s hard to hear from people, “Oh, Gloria, EVERYONE struggles.” If you’re driving a car less than two years old, you’re not struggling. If you have a streaming service or two, you’re not struggling. Starbucks five times a week? You’re not struggling. Making more than $9.37 an hour? (I’m not.) Okay, you MAY be struggling, but what have you cut out? I haven’t been to a movie since last summer. No streaming services. I haven’t bought new clothes since two springs ago. Haven’t bought new shoes in over a year.
So I went for a walk. Didn’t make me feel much better, but then when I came home, I couldn’t get in. I tried my usual key. Then I tried my other key. Then I tried my hidden key. Nothing. And it’s spring holiday. Great.
I told a security guard via my translator app what was going on. He tried two of my keys, and nothing. He started calling a few people, and then indicated someone was coming. He had a can in his hand and I knew what it was. SD 80, known in the states as WD 40. I looked at the can in the elevator and chuckled.
And within two minutes, I had access to my cluttered pad. I thanked the men profusely, got myself some water, and fired up the computer.
So as mopey as I am today, I’m grateful someone was available and had bootleg WD 40. I told them it was the worldwide problem solver, and in the states we call it WD 40.
Now, if I could only hide a can of that outside my apartment door.
However, I did submit to three publishers today.
Yes, I’ve written a novel. Two, actually.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t consider having an agent, if anyone wants to represent me…
Reading this might piss you off. That’s the only trigger warning you get.
For several years, I’ve wondered why sexuality matters so much. Gay, straight, bi, trans, non-binary… honestly UGH. UGH.
I guess I’m wondering, “who gives a shit?” Seriously, WHO GIVES A SHIT?
Sexuality, like your bowel movement habits, should be private. Honestly, I don’t care who you sleep with, or want to sleep with, as long as it’s not harming anyone. But I don’t want to hear about it.
It’s in the news a lot. From that one visual arts teacher (art teacher, in old school speak) who had students fill out a survey about whom they thought “hot” from Olympic athletes talking about the LGBT struggle, to the Brothers Esposito wanna be who shot up an ice rink in Rhode Island, sexuality is on everyone’s minds lately.
For years, I had no one to turn to when I told people men hated me. They blew me off, not caring that for decades, I wanted a boyfriend but couldn’t get one. They finally came up with a term for it, “incel”, except that was hijacked by men. Incels claimed that women couldn’t possibly be incel, because men are constantly throwing themselves at us, and if we didn’t have a man, it’s because we didn’t want one.
Oh, I tried to explain myself. But people would go flinty-eyed at my explanations, with a few of the bolder ones saying maybe I ought to try dating women. Because, you think… I’m lesbian? I’m not. Never. From day one, I fantasized about boys/men (I didn’t care about age, honestly) but I never had a boyfriend until I was 39. That’s a hell of a long time to wait for your first relationship.
They STILL don’t get it. I could point out those incels are basically “volcel” that is, voluntary celebate, because they won’t date just ANY woman. No, these incels want supermodels. Think they deserve supermodels. After a while, I just gave up. I knew I wouldn’t be getting the kind of man I really wanted, because those kinds of men don’t want women like me. It’s okay, there are a lot of women who don’t want men who are like incels. And I don’t believe that old saying, “there’s someone for everyone.” What if my perfect true love is a Polish potato farmer? I have no interest in going to Poland, so I doubt we’ll meet. And long-distance relationships are fragile, to say the least. And if you mix it up with totally opposing cultures/languages/religions/countries, it means that you’ll have to budget for trips. Having grown up poor, I kinda figured that trip to Puerto Rico we all took back in 1979 was the first AND last time we’d ever travel together as a family. Even quick weekend jaunts were out of the picture. It’s like we reached our financial limit of family vacations. I don’t remember ever going anywhere as a family on a trip again. So yeah, yay for your long-distance Turkish boyfriend, but I don’t see it lasting. Sorry.
But getting back to sexuality, why does it have to be in everyone’s face? Why even do we have to express it? I get wearing cool clothes and looking good. I get that. But sexuality for me is a super private thing. I HATE when people ask me if I’m seeing anyone. Because I never am. Men don’t want what I have to offer. And I’ve pretty much accepted that.
Back in the days when I let my lack of boyfriends run my life, I got NO sympathy from anyone. People couldn’t understand it when I said “men hate me.” Never a single ounce of respect or understanding. So I’m sorry if the LGBT community, or people confused about their gender are looking for sympathy. Just as people can’t understand men hating me, I can’t quite understand not wanting to be a certain gender. Yes, men hate me, but it never, ever made me wish I was a guy. Or that I was lesbian. I just had to deal with it.
I’ve not watched a lot about the Olympics, but I’m well aware of the political points athletes have made. Unfortunately, the Olympics have always been political. Whether it’s Soviet Cold-war era superiority, the 1980 hockey team victory signifying the superiority of scrape by as you train capitalism vs. state-funded training facility communism, 1968 Mexico city (Tommie Smith and John Carlos’s Black Power Salute), or Vera Caslavka’s head down and turned to the side during the playing of the Soviet national anthem (also in Mexico City) there’s always going to be politics. Unless you can deal with the aftermath, best just keep your mouth shut. In other words, be like Switzerland. I don’t see anyone pissing on them for being neutral. In private, you want to complain about how hard it is to be whatever it is you are, fine. But being an Olympic athlete and complaining, that’s something that people aren’t very sympathetic about. You’re young, good-looking for the most part, in great shape, and you can do a sport very, very well. That’s something 99 percent of the U.S. population cannot be or do. Yes, you’re human. Yes, we think a little differently about mental health these days. But Americans expect a LOT. If you are the favorite in any sport, you bet people are going to crucify you for coming in anything but first place. It was bad before social media, now it’s even worse.
Perhaps the entire United States population needs some education about diplomacy. I’m not sure if I’d be trash talking the current administration on the world’s stage. I certainly wouldn’t be bringing up my lack of boyfriends for most of my life situation, because again, WHO CARES? It has nothing to do with my athletic ability. Being LGB has nothing to do with your athletic ability.
Now, being trans, yeah, that has something to do with your athletic ability. I read somewhere a high school boy’s soccer team beat the women’s national team. Men are just stronger and taller. I repeat: MEN ARE STRONGER AND TALLER. Not to mention, more violent. I’m wondering how many female to male trans people have committed gun crimes. The dude (I REFUSE to say “she”) who shot up the arena in R.I. was male transgendering to female. And it seems changing his ethnicity as well. Robert Dorgan told people to call him “Roberta Esposito.” Esposito, for those of you who aren’t of a certain age, is the last name of two hockey playing brothers, Phil and Tony Esposito. Not only did he not want to be male and Irish, but he wanted to be female and Italian, it seems.
The New York Post identified Dorgan as trans, but went a bit deeper, suggesting that he was a right wing sympathizer, and had posted racist comments, promoted white power, and even had a Nazi SS tattoo. I don’t know; none of that sounds very “lefty” to me. Especially his support of the second amendment.
So surprise, surprise, transgenders can be right wingers. And they can be just as dangerous as straight men with guns. Who would have thought?
I always feel bad for people who get married, only to have their partners come out years or decades later, or their husband decides he wants to be a woman. And can we get this straight (pardon the pun?)–gender matters. I know if I ever met the man of my dreams and one day he decided he wanted to be a woman, yes, I’d divorce him. You can love that person, but not in a sexual way if you don’t swing that way. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have married a man if you were into women, right? And if you’re bi, God bless you. You have twice as many chances of hitting it off.
But please. Your sexual orientation means nothing. Not for a job, not for a sport. Well, unless you are a male prostitute who only wants to sleep with men. THEN it matters. But can’t we keep that shit private? Who you sleep with shouldn’t be the sole focus of who you are. If you have problems with your sexuality, see a therapist. Don’t harm yourself and others.
And that’s where I went for dinner tonight. I usually order my hamburger plain, with just onion, but you’d be surprised how that simple request gets screwed up.
It happened tonight.
First, it was a burger with the works.
I explained what I wanted.
Round two was a burger with onion, cheese, and whatever sauce they put on it.
I explained again, with my translator app, what it was I wanted.
They looked at my app as if I’d written it in Greek translated to German.
They finally got it right.
But this isn’t uncommon. For weeks, the staff at Burger King always thought I wanted it WITHOUT onion, so they’d put everything on there EXCEPT onion.
I finally took a picture of my burger, the way I wanted it, and started showing it to them.
Tonight’s burger was good.
Yes, I went to see the fireworks, since the display in Hong Kong was canceled out of respect for the Wang Po fire victims.
Sounds like one, on this misty Monday in China. Happy Lunar New Year!
Things are gearing up for the new year! I hope I can go see the fireworks. Strange as it may seem, I never seem to know EXACTLY when Chinese New Year is. Depending on people’s schedules, some people disappear for a full week or two before the actual new year. But I guess the fireworks officially starts on February 17, at 8 p.m. here in Fuzhou.
Even if you Google it, it says, “dates may vary” but it says February 17 to March 3. CNY is late this year.
I’ve been staying at home, watching tons of YouTube, staying in bed outrageously late, but feeling a bit more energized than I have been for the last several months. I’ve been doing some cleaning and organizing. I still have way too much stuff though. I fear I will always be a clutterbug.
But for now, I’m happy. I need to enjoy it.
No Way! Laowai! 
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