I’m sitting in my apartment with bags and boxes of my stuff. I’m moving to Beijing. The movers will be coming tomorrow, but I have several lists attached to the bags and boxes listing what is in them. I’m not taking any furniture with me, but I still think I have way too much stuff. Way too many clothes, shoes, books, and trinkets. But really, it isn’t much.
Looking at this stuff has made me reflect a little bit. This past year has been a blur. I worked so much I really didn’t have the time or energy to go out exploring. I’ve made up for that these past few weeks. I discovered some wholesale places. Places I would have loved to have known about months ago, but it’s just as well. I would have ended up with way more handbags that I need. I love bargains, what can I say. I have visited two leather wholesale places, one jewelry wholesale place, two cosmetic wholesale places, a shoe wholesaler and a clothing wholesaler. If I was going to be here another year, no doubt I would have stocked up on materials to make keychains . But as it is, I just bought beads. I may make some bracelets again.
That’s a big if, though. The past year was incredibly stressful and somewhat disappointing. Mixed messages, passive-aggressive behavior, and lack of warmth in the workplace took its toll. I retreated to my bedroom, and binge-watched YouTube videos as a form of escape. I am still hell-bent on saving money, and tried not to spend it. Watching YouTube was an inexpensive form of entertainment. Eventually, I got out and about. I didn’t want to leave without seeing some of Guangzhou. Beautiful city, but as I told some of my colleagues, it’s bittersweet leaving here. I suppose I shouldn’t take things too hard, but imposter syndrome didn’t fade away when I graduated from grad school.
I sit here hoping that Beijing will be great in all respects of my life, personal as well as professional. My last evenings here have been spent at home, out of the heat. I feel sort of bad about that; I’m not really squeezing everything I can at the last minute. But I think I’ve seen what I wanted to see here, experienced what I wanted to experience. I’ve become a bit selfish, I think. Or maybe just more selective with whom I spend my time. A fast friendship has made me realize who I am as a person and what I can put up with and what I can’t. I decided to distance myself in order to keep my stress levels down. I probably went about the distancing in a wrong way, but I am knowing myself better the older I get. If you aren’t good socially, and avoid people for fear of getting caught up in people’s drama and ability to manipulate you, it could end up saving your life. In this case, it’s saving my sanity and stress levels.
No Way! Laowai! 