Reading this might piss you off. That’s the only trigger warning you get.

For several years, I’ve wondered why sexuality matters so much. Gay, straight, bi, trans, non-binary… honestly UGH. UGH.

I guess I’m wondering, “who gives a shit?” Seriously, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

Sexuality, like your bowel movement habits, should be private. Honestly, I don’t care who you sleep with, or want to sleep with, as long as it’s not harming anyone. But I don’t want to hear about it.

It’s in the news a lot. From that one visual arts teacher (art teacher, in old school speak) who had students fill out a survey about whom they thought “hot” from Olympic athletes talking about the LGBT struggle, to the Brothers Esposito wanna be who shot up an ice rink in Rhode Island, sexuality is on everyone’s minds lately.

For years, I had no one to turn to when I told people men hated me. They blew me off, not caring that for decades, I wanted a boyfriend but couldn’t get one. They finally came up with a term for it, “incel”, except that was hijacked by men. Incels claimed that women couldn’t possibly be incel, because men are constantly throwing themselves at us, and if we didn’t have a man, it’s because we didn’t want one.

Oh, I tried to explain myself. But people would go flinty-eyed at my explanations, with a few of the bolder ones saying maybe I ought to try dating women. Because, you think… I’m lesbian? I’m not. Never. From day one, I fantasized about boys/men (I didn’t care about age, honestly) but I never had a boyfriend until I was 39. That’s a hell of a long time to wait for your first relationship.

They STILL don’t get it. I could point out those incels are basically “volcel” that is, voluntary celebate, because they won’t date just ANY woman. No, these incels want supermodels. Think they deserve supermodels. After a while, I just gave up. I knew I wouldn’t be getting the kind of man I really wanted, because those kinds of men don’t want women like me. It’s okay, there are a lot of women who don’t want men who are like incels. And I don’t believe that old saying, “there’s someone for everyone.” What if my perfect true love is a Polish potato farmer? I have no interest in going to Poland, so I doubt we’ll meet. And long-distance relationships are fragile, to say the least. And if you mix it up with totally opposing cultures/languages/religions/countries, it means that you’ll have to budget for trips. Having grown up poor, I kinda figured that trip to Puerto Rico we all took back in 1979 was the first AND last time we’d ever travel together as a family. Even quick weekend jaunts were out of the picture. It’s like we reached our financial limit of family vacations. I don’t remember ever going anywhere as a family on a trip again. So yeah, yay for your long-distance Turkish boyfriend, but I don’t see it lasting. Sorry.

But getting back to sexuality, why does it have to be in everyone’s face? Why even do we have to express it? I get wearing cool clothes and looking good. I get that. But sexuality for me is a super private thing. I HATE when people ask me if I’m seeing anyone. Because I never am. Men don’t want what I have to offer. And I’ve pretty much accepted that.

Back in the days when I let my lack of boyfriends run my life, I got NO sympathy from anyone. People couldn’t understand it when I said “men hate me.” Never a single ounce of respect or understanding. So I’m sorry if the LGBT community, or people confused about their gender are looking for sympathy. Just as people can’t understand men hating me, I can’t quite understand not wanting to be a certain gender. Yes, men hate me, but it never, ever made me wish I was a guy. Or that I was lesbian. I just had to deal with it.

I’ve not watched a lot about the Olympics, but I’m well aware of the political points athletes have made. Unfortunately, the Olympics have always been political. Whether it’s Soviet Cold-war era superiority, the 1980 hockey team victory signifying the superiority of scrape by as you train capitalism vs. state-funded training facility communism, 1968 Mexico city (Tommie Smith and John Carlos’s Black Power Salute), or Vera Caslavka’s head down and turned to the side during the playing of the Soviet national anthem (also in Mexico City) there’s always going to be politics. Unless you can deal with the aftermath, best just keep your mouth shut. In other words, be like Switzerland. I don’t see anyone pissing on them for being neutral. In private, you want to complain about how hard it is to be whatever it is you are, fine. But being an Olympic athlete and complaining, that’s something that people aren’t very sympathetic about. You’re young, good-looking for the most part, in great shape, and you can do a sport very, very well. That’s something 99 percent of the U.S. population cannot be or do. Yes, you’re human. Yes, we think a little differently about mental health these days. But Americans expect a LOT. If you are the favorite in any sport, you bet people are going to crucify you for coming in anything but first place. It was bad before social media, now it’s even worse.

Perhaps the entire United States population needs some education about diplomacy. I’m not sure if I’d be trash talking the current administration on the world’s stage. I certainly wouldn’t be bringing up my lack of boyfriends for most of my life situation, because again, WHO CARES? It has nothing to do with my athletic ability. Being LGB has nothing to do with your athletic ability.

Now, being trans, yeah, that has something to do with your athletic ability. I read somewhere a high school boy’s soccer team beat the women’s national team. Men are just stronger and taller. I repeat: MEN ARE STRONGER AND TALLER. Not to mention, more violent. I’m wondering how many female to male trans people have committed gun crimes. The dude (I REFUSE to say “she”) who shot up the arena in R.I. was male transgendering to female. And it seems changing his ethnicity as well. Robert Dorgan told people to call him “Roberta Esposito.” Esposito, for those of you who aren’t of a certain age, is the last name of two hockey playing brothers, Phil and Tony Esposito. Not only did he not want to be male and Irish, but he wanted to be female and Italian, it seems.

The New York Post identified Dorgan as trans, but went a bit deeper, suggesting that he was a right wing sympathizer, and had posted racist comments, promoted white power, and even had a Nazi SS tattoo. I don’t know; none of that sounds very “lefty” to me. Especially his support of the second amendment.

So surprise, surprise, transgenders can be right wingers. And they can be just as dangerous as straight men with guns. Who would have thought?

I always feel bad for people who get married, only to have their partners come out years or decades later, or their husband decides he wants to be a woman. And can we get this straight (pardon the pun?)–gender matters. I know if I ever met the man of my dreams and one day he decided he wanted to be a woman, yes, I’d divorce him. You can love that person, but not in a sexual way if you don’t swing that way. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have married a man if you were into women, right? And if you’re bi, God bless you. You have twice as many chances of hitting it off.

But please. Your sexual orientation means nothing. Not for a job, not for a sport. Well, unless you are a male prostitute who only wants to sleep with men. THEN it matters. But can’t we keep that shit private? Who you sleep with shouldn’t be the sole focus of who you are. If you have problems with your sexuality, see a therapist. Don’t harm yourself and others.