Bad Insomnia, Tech Breakdown, and Putting a Shelf Up

So last night I had really bad insomnia, even though I took a Unisom, split in half. And when I woke up this morning, it was overcast. And after my last class today, there was just the lightest of sprinkles.

But I made it through both classes today.

For some reason though, my computer would not hook up to the wifi. It’s annoying, because I have everything here on my laptop that I want/need for class. I usually use Kahoot to review for quizzes. But I could only go online through the classroom computer, which of course, is entirely in Chinese. Also, I had to have students log in to the computer for me, because of course, my credentials didn’t work.

But Kahoot thankfully does NOT require a VPN. So I was able to sign in and do the review online.

And I put up another shelf. I saved for several months to get shelving. I rigged up something that is unusual, to say the least, but my initial purchase of used wardrobe doors and plastic waste basket/buckets meant I could create shelving at a dirt cheap price, even for Ikea. No drilling into the walls, none of that.

Of course, I need to be careful where I put stuff. I need three waste buckets per shelf, and to center most of the heavy stuff over the buckets, which seem pretty tough.

I couldn’t find boxes that worked. I thought I did a few weeks ago, but it turns out not. But Ikea is selling packing boxes, so rolling my eyes, I picked up a few. I’ll have to cut them down, but whatever. I have white drawing paper on a roll, so I can wrap the boxes up, and not have them be so brown and moving-ish. When you’re poor, you have to work with what you can afford, or already have.

Even so, the shelves look way better than having sagging, more than a year old moving boxes to keep the stuff I want handy nearby. When I went to Ikea last week, they had a lot more doors. I didn’t want to spend the money, but when next paycheck rolls around, I might snag a couple more for my spare room. There’s hardly any floor space in there, so walking is a hazard. And I can plunk the boxes of craft/clothes/handbags/office supplies on shelving and maybe turn the floor space into a yoga area.

It also makes me realize I have way too much stuff. But it never fails–whenever I throw something away, just weeks later, I need it.

Pics to follow soon about my transformed living room. I’m pretty sure I took a before shot of my saggy-ass moving boxes. Now to take pics of what it looks like, which is better.

Another Quiet Day

I got done what I needed to get done for tomorrow. Plus, I don’t have to get up too early, so that’s another good thing. Went for a walk today. And that’s really all I’ve got done.

It’s finally cooled off, which is very nice. I’m not dripping sweat five minutes after I leave the apartment. It means I can wear makeup again, and maybe style my hair, because I’m not sweating buckets.

And my hair is finally long enough for a ponytail. A small ponytail, but a ponytail nonetheless. I made a huge mistake getting my hair cut in January. It seems like no matter how I style it, it always looks the same. Like a poodle. A puffy afro. Or, as my mother would say, “a bubble bob.”

When I first got my hair cut, it didn’t look the way I wanted at all. So I spent about $40 on hair crap to see if I could make it look right. If it looked right at home, it didn’t a half hour after I went out the door. The stylist said I would look elegant. I just ended up looking like a fat lesbian. Which would be fine if I WERE a fat lesbian, instead, I’m just fat.

And I’m convinced I have a fat liver and cortisol problems. I feel like I don’t eat very much, but I haven’t lost any more weight. I’m down to maybe one meal a day and a snack. I usually try to start the day with fruit, but some days I’m just not hungry, so I end up eating lunch for breakfast.

But the idea of eating nothing but meat for days/months on end sounds disgusting. I like meat, but I think I’d like it better if I could eat the kind and quality of meat that I wanted to. That won’t be happening in China. And even so, I like my veggies. I like tomatoes with my bacon, and yes, I KNOW that tomatoes are technically fruit. II like artisan lettuce with my chicken. I’ve replicated the Wendy’s Apple Pecan Salad here in China, and it is WONDERFUL. I need to make that again, because that sounds really good right now.

Today Was Okay

I slept super late today. For some reason, it’s taking me a very long time to get started when I don’t have any particular time or reason to get up.

But I got some prepping done today. Not all of it, but a good start on it. I am back down to five classes, so I’m going to have a little more time to do stuff. Which is good.

I went for a walk tonight. Still no Campus Kitten. I think I’ll never see her again, which is sad. I hope she has a good life. I am glad that I helped keep her alive for several weeks. It’s just hard not knowing. Her food bowl was gone again, but the water dish was still there. Weird.

It’s cooled off so it was very pleasant to walk. But the melancholy remains.

October 25 my stats on here exploded. I can’t figure it out. For years, I have like 10 views a day, if I’m lucky. This past week, I had hundreds of views. Not sure why. Doesn’t matter what I post, or my tags or whatever. But this week, it was huge. Whatever it is, thank you for reading.

I Haven’t Seen Campus Kitten in Days…

So I haven’t seen Campus Kitten in days. The last time I saw her was Sunday, I think. Monday, one of the vertical bars was out of its hole, making an eight-inch opening in the fence. She’s so small, she didn’t need that space, but I’m wondering if someone raised the vertica bar, reached in and grabbed her.

I got her used to being petted and her back scratched, so a friendly enough person could have grabbed her.

When I went by there today, it was three times. I put food and water down for her, and I brought bowls. Two of the bowls were out of reach, so it’s a good thing I brought new bowls. I called for her, but nothing. On my way back I stopped by, and called for her, and nothing. I stopped back again tonight, and nothing. Her water bowl was still there, and two of the bowls I couldn’t reach were there, but her food dish was gone.

I feel guilty. I thought about adopting her, but years ago when my dog died, I vowed never to adopt another animal unless I had the money to properly care for it. My dog died before I could get her to the vet, but maybe it would have happened anyway. She was over 17 years old. But I still felt guilty. I hated being so poor. I struggle and struggle and struggle, and I mean STRUGGLE. And I’m still struggling and wondering if this is going to be my life. It HAS been my life and I’m fucking tired of it.

I came here to China to earn and save money so I could buy out my brother’s share of the house. I hardly have any money saved. I feel like a fucking failure. And so that’s why I’ve not gotten any pets. Right now, based on a 40-hour work week, I make less than $9.50 an hour after taxes.

So yeah, not feeling very happy right now. Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve a happy life.

Or a pet.

It’s ironic, I worried and worried how to bring a cat back. I looked up carriers online, looked up airlines to see which ones were pet-friendly, and it looks like I worried and worried for nothing.

I don’t know what kind of money I will have when I have to leave. There’s some sort of pension that I pay into, but I don’t think I’ll be working long enough to get it. Supposedly, when I leave China, I’ll get that money. But I worry that something got fucked up and I won’t get anything back.

And the amount I save per month seems miniscule. It’s funny–people ask me if I go to the canteen to eat, but I refuse. If I have to pay anything, it’s not free. And people say, “well, it’s 12 yuan, it’s basically nothing.” True, but 12 yuan is NOT the same as free. And if I don’t like the food, it’s a waste of money. And if there’s a ton of leftovers and no way to get it home, that’s wasting food.

And I really don’t feel like eating at noon. But you know things aren’t great when you purposely skip lunch, or take a couple handfuls of blueberries for your lunch because A. You’re more tired than hungry, and B. gotta save that money.

So I hope Campus Kitten has a good home. I’m glad I was able to keep her alive for a few weeks. I saw her once with her mom, but I guess mom wasn’t too helpful in getting her food. I remember how much Campus Kitten cried when I first encountered her.

She’s still thin, but at least she wasn’t crying anymore.

Didn’t See Campus Kitten Today

Someone was power washing the sidewalk near where I think she hangs out, and it was making a loud noise and spraying water.

But I did manage to fill her water and food dish without anyone seeing me. There was also some food left over, so I don’t know if she found another food source yesterday, or had her fill.