I hate self-help books. I read enough of them years back when working with a life coach. Never mind that I’d won a contest and the service was free. She had me read nonsense, so it was a revelation when I found a book that poked fun at the self-help genre.
However, I found out about The Big Bitter Book: How to Stay Bitter and Resentful through a group on Facebook, and my inner bitter bitch was screaming “YESSSS, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!” like I’d had the best orgasm of my life.
Because this SPOKE to me like nothing I’d read. I’ve been accused of being negative most of my life, and why the fuck not? It seems like nothing positive I visualize ever happens. The dream man never materializes; if a guy comes along, he introduces himself as a “date rapist,” as if that’s an appropriate ice breaker. Or else he dresses like a chronically homeless person, even though he isn’t. The schooling that I think will lead to better jobs doesn’t. The plan to move to a foreign country to get a better-paying job doesn’t quite materialize. As one of my friends pointed out, “I’ve never known anyone to try as hard as you do only to not have things work out.”
I thanked her for acknowledging that. I was beginning to think I was the only one wondering what the hell was happening. And WHY.
The author, Ian Rader, has been sober since August 28, 2015. So if you are a current or former substance abuse enthusiast/victim/advocate, you’ll get a kick out of the liquid relief references. Even if you never drink, and have a bit of a negative attitude, you’ll love this book.
But if you don’t understand sarcasm, stay away. Rader got his first negative review (and was proud of it) from some woman who not surprisingly, didn’t “get it.” She’s probably one of those types who feel adversity doesn’t kill you, it just makes you stronger. Yes, but all the stress probably will give you a heart attack and you’ll die young anyway.
Rader starts out by saying, “How I got here, and why you’re still the problem,” by noting all the self-help crap we’re being hit with on a daily basis:
“I need to start by saying this: the moment I began writing this godforsaken book, my algorithm completely lost its mind. One click. One accidental search. And suddenly every screen in my life turned into a self-help hostage situation. Facebook suggested I join an author mastermind. Instagram wanted me to “build a brand around my healing.” TikTok started screaming at me to “rewrite my story” through trauma-informed dance reels. Even Amazon was like, “Hey, have you read The 5 A.M. Soul Cleanse?” Every app became a spiritual intervention I didn’t ask for. And the more I looked around, the more I realized I was knee-deep in a digital landfill stacked high with books nobody asked for and advice nobody should follow.”
Rader did, for a while, but admitted it didn’t work. He tells you about what DOES work:
“Being bitter. Staying bitter. Living in the glorious emotional muck of real life and not pretending it’s a Disney redemption arc. Which brings me to recovery. Oh yes, let’s talk about the sacred texts. The 12-step scripture. Those neatly numbered paper cults that start with the idea that your life is “unmanageable” and you are somehow “powerless.” Excuse me? I wasn’t powerless. I was tactical.”
Because he’s been through the 12-step routine. And his book breaks it down for you, and why HIS plan is better.
Rader wrote a book for people like me, who try to be positive about things, but struggle, and struggle, and struggle. His references to streaming services made me chuckle, because for years I’ve been on a YouTube binge. I refuse to buy streaming services because I’m in China and I just can’t get some of them, even with a VPN. They KNOW I’m in a foreign country, so no Netflix or Hulu for me. Alright, YouTube it is. But wait—isn’t YouTube banned in China? Yup.
“So again, I ask, where’s the book for us? The ones who can’t do a vision board without breaking out in sarcasm. The ones who hear “your vibe attracts your tribe” and immediately attract a migraine. The ones who can’t meditate without spiraling and can’t listen to one more story about how someone found God in a gas station and now runs a company called Soul Glow & Co. This book is for the bitter. The emotionally dehydrated. The spiritually exhausted. The ones who wake up already annoyed and think “another day of unsolicited positivity. Fantastic.””
And this really hit me where I live:
“Real peace is driving a car 40 over the limit on an empty highway at 2 a.m., screaming and crying at a “Higher Power” that, let’s be honest, probably isn’t listening.”
So if you are a believer in God, stay away from this book. And from Rader: he probably isn’t interested in being saved anyway.
Rader is not afraid to point out the bullshit that is inescapable in our lives. He also has several little revenge tips that I don’t know if he has tried personally, but whoooooo. He rightly points out that he’s not sure this messy world can be navigated while sober. Which I understand. As I said earlier, I’m not a drinker, but I understand why so many people are on anti-depressants. Or addicted to food. I’ve noticed when I’ve eaten a particularly good meal or snack, things don’t seem as bleak. Or are substance abusers. They want that serotonin release to help us cope.
The book is full of little gems like these:
“As for revenge, well, that’s the most reliable higher power I’ve ever known. It never forgets. It never forgives. And it keeps me warm on cold nights when meditation apps fail me.”
And let’s not forget it’s a dish best served cold. Again, I was screaming, “YESSSSSSSSS, YAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!”
The book has 12 steps on becoming bitter, as well as four testimonials from people who claimed this book saved them.
Quite possibly the best thing about this book? Rader wants YOU to help participate in The Big Bitter Book Volume 2.
If you’re bitter, depressed, a substance abuser, hate self-help books, or just looking for a reason to go on, buy this book. I’m not being funny when I say this. But you’ll probably laugh your ass off at the feelings, descriptions, and situations in this book.
Buy it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0FF44T1MM/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title
Exchange bitterness with the author here: https://www.instagram.com/thebigbitterbook/
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