I had a really great supper. Pepper steak over white rice was good. I woke up this morning with a weird stomach. I found the mint gum I bought the other day and chewed some of that. But it always makes me wonder when I wake up with a bad stomach what caused it.
So I actually had two meals today. Having mint tea for dessert to hopefully ward off the stomach pains.
I certainly slept deep last night. I never know what sort of sleep I’m going to get anymore. It was hard to get out of bed, but I did it. Had to teach yesterday because of the makeup day situation. I had one of my classes write about how they felt about having a long vacation, but having to come in the weekend before for one day, and then come in for a weekend after for one day. Nobody seems to like it. They don’t like having their plans disrupted, and it throws them off schedule.
Because of this, I have them play Scrabble. This Saturday class I had I had them write dialogue using the words they made during the Scrabble game. It’s an oral English class after all.
Maybe I’m upset about Diane Keaton. I only really knew her from The Godfather and Annie Hall, but I always wonder if I should go, would I be satisfied with what I’d done? I’ve got a novel I want representation for, but I fear I’ll have to self-publish. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because that IS an option, but somehow it feels like failure. I want to have a bit of money to promote it this time.
It could be I’ve come to terms with my life. Like some things will never, ever, change, and I’d better be okay with that or risk permanent unhappiness. And for every hour I indulge in something mindless, it also reminds me I’m nowhere near where I want to be, and time’s running out. It always has been running out, but if you run into never-ending setbacks, you wonder if you should still go on.
There are so many things I wish I had the courage to change, so many people I wish I would have stood up to and said, “fuck off!”
But I also realized standing up for myself doesn’t get me anywhere either, except the “quit or be fired speech.”
Goodnight, everybody.





You must be logged in to post a comment.